CHAPTER INDEX LINK
Left with piles of dust
Before withered rust
We look for that hope
Dust washed by rain
Killing away the pain
If you can endure it
Smile for the hope to shine
"A Mets fan? Here in Florida?" The boy says to me, still holding onto my hat.
"My grandma is a native New Yorker," I say. "Which is probably why I like watching hockey as well." I have no idea why I just added that last part. I look down at the ground.
"A hockey fan," he questions. I look up again to see him raising an eyebrow. He gives me one of those smiles; the kind where I could see a future with him. He has nice eyes though I can't tell if they're blue or green. It's still too dark to truly see. Either way, I think I could get lost in those eyes forever.
What am I doing? I think to myself. You have no time for this. I give myself a mental shake, and take my Mets hat from him.
"I'm a Lightning fan," I find myself say as I turn away.
"Can I at least get your name?"
I stop and turn to see him. "Kalura," I say.
"Xander," he says.
"Nice to meet you," I curtsy. I turn to finish my jog. I roll my eyes at myself. Who in the world curtsies anymore?
You are selling your soul to the devil, Kalura, I think to myself. If you think for one moment, you have a chance at that kind of happiness.
One of the reasons why I made a list is because it helps to keep me focused. If I get involved with a boy, I know for sure I'll lose that focus, and the things I want to do most on the list won't matter. When I set my mind on goals, it's important for me to finish them. My parents have goals. That's why they're never around.
They're scientists, and right now, they're somewhere on the African continent trying to find cures for viral diseases, as well as cures for cancer. They honestly feel bad for being on the other side of the world, which is why they feel the need to be overprotective of me. That is why I have Smith for protection, and Nora, my nanny.
Yes, I still have a nanny. I can't imagine a world without Nora in it. She's been like a second mother to me, and I honestly don't know what I'd do if I didn't have her. She is the reason why I've made a list. The list I make helps me to be more goal-oriented. It makes me want to live my life as normal as possible.
Okay, so there's no such thing as normal. I've never been normal, just like my name will never be normal. And I am okay with those things. I just want to experience milestones, and experience new things like getting a tattoo, or skydiving. This is only going to be for my senior year, and it's not like anyone will remember me after that. I hear that people tend to go their separate ways after high school.
Eventually I will fade from memory, but I will always have my memories. They will be in my journals, and every time I complete a task from my list, it will be jotted down in the book. For the time being, I just want to focus on one day at a time. Today, I need to get ready for my first day of school.
Normally when I go jogging, my nerves calm down a bit. I guess I'm just extra nervous, but I have a few plans in mind today, so I will try to focus on that. I will try to do what I can to make it through the day. For now, I need to focus and slow my breath down as I am almost home.
I slow down from a jog, to a very brisk walk. I finally make it inside my house where I stretch and find Nora waiting for me.
Written 3/7/16 by ©Diana Jillian